this is a story of a girl... who cried a river and drowned the whole world - Nine Days
Once upon a time there was a very beautiful baby girl. And she was awesome, if I do say so myself. And she grew up and she never realised that she was bigger than everyone else, when people teased her about her weight, she didn't care - because she truly didn't know. Being bigger didn't mean that she still couldn't play baseball, or volleyball, or curl (yes, curl. She's Canadian, and it's harder than it looks).
It never mattered to her when people called her the iceberg who sunk the Titanic and people in China would really like it if she stopped playing double dutch because they were tired of the earthquakes because she just knew they were jealous because she knew all the answers in class. And besides, who needed them when she had great friends who said she was just fine the way she was?
Then she got to high school and people were a bit meaner about it - but hey - she still fit in one chair without her butt hanging over the ends, she could fit in one seat on the bus, and sit next to someone without touching them. She was wearing 1x clothes but she always did like her clothes a bit baggy. All her friends said, "You're perfect the way you are." So she went with it.
Then she went to University. And then she gained weight. The Freshmen 15 - is not the Freshman 15. It's more like 20. or 30. But it left right away when she moved off campus and lived in her very first apartment and managed to cook for herself. Instant foods, but with a bit more walking did the trick. Bye bye Freshman Fifteen. (or Twenty or Thirty). Hello, "Skinny Jeans" from B.U.M. Equipment.
Then the weight came back again. Who knew that eating two cheeseburgers every Tuesday at McDonalds was a bad thing. They were the tiny little ones. And she never ate the apple pie all the time. And she split her fries with her best friend. They only had McFlurries once in a while. So she ditched the McDonalds and went to Subway - hey it worked for Jared right?
The weight gain was a bit more obvious this time because all her clothes were tight. She was stressed out because of graduation. What the heck was she going to do with her life? She bought new clothes and ignored the fact that they had a couple of more X's by the number. She then graduated and promptly spent the first few months as a university graduate watching Dr: Quinn Medicine Woman and Xena: Warrior Princess because they clearly knew what they wanted to do. (save lives, and kick major ass butt).
She decided to work in Korea for a year, and when she got her physical, she got the biggest shock of her life: She was fat. There simply wasn't hiding the fact anymore. It wasn't just the numbers (275 by the way), but it was everything. She barely did any sports, she couldn't fit in one seat on the bus.... it was just enough that she didn't need an extender for the airplane ride to Korea.
Before she left she bought her very first workout video: Leslie Sansone: Walk Away The Pounds Deluxe Edition and because she heard she needed strength training Denise Austin's Personal Trainer. (Well honestly. she had these since her university days but never really did them).
Korea was an eye opener. First of all - Korean food is either - you can stomach it, or you can't. She couldn't. Second of all - you walk everywhere. She had to - a mile home and a mile back several times a day (and when she moved to a place that didn't have an elevator, toss in 3 flights of stairs at her school, 3 flights of stairs at her apartment). Plus the working out. The weight flew off and she discovered really great friends at support websites like SparkPeople (even though it made her very neurotic). And she Weight-Watchers-ed herself.
She also discovered she really, really loved to cook. Not instant cooking. (Though she missed Quaker Oats Instant Apple Cinnamon Oatmeal). But real coking. From Better Homes and Gardens. And she was good at it. (Who knew?)
When she came home she was at 207 pounds and she thought she was done. She never really knew fat people before (it was just her), and all her friends never worked out. Fat people worked out. She wasn't fat anymore - so why bother? The re-introduction to the Standard (North) American Diet plus all the moving that she had to do, plus the working out.... the weight started to creep back.
It didn't help that she was sick all the time. There was an impacted wisdom tooth that required three rounds of steroids and antibotics, and then four months of bedrest where she ate a lot of Smartfood. (hoping it would make her smart) and JuniorMints and watched Xena beat up people. And then after a year of that - followed a year of simply being unable to find a job. (Because who would want to hire someone who hadn't worked for a year).
She was lost, she was miserable, she had debt to her eyeballs, and she simply wanted to hide under the blankets and sleep her life away. (not in a suicide way. a world, please stop sucking, and wake me up when it's all shiny and new, kind of way. and by the way - pass the JuniorMints).
She decided to go back to school and study to get a career. And then she decided to weigh herself because she was apparently stupid. She nearly had a heart attack. Three Hundred and Eight Pounds. She weighed more than professional football players. She was a Biggest Loser Contestant Weight. She was a blobby, blobber person and she just couldn't handle it. (but strangely enough she didn't cry. I think she was just too shocked to cry). After support from dear friends, she decided it was simply just a number (a big freaking number, but a number), and it wasn't going to control her life.
So she went away to school and she was armed and ready to go. (by this time she discovered a great - and dangerous place called VideoFitness where she learned about a lot of different workouts and styles of workouts and she had plenty of workouts to help her lose weight. And she struggled. But kept going. And even though she stopped and started - she kept going....
And is going. And will keep on going.
She was Me. That was my story. One thing I always hear is like "you know, If I could change something about myself, I'd change the fact that I was....." and you know, out of a lot of things I would change, I don't think I would have changed my weight. I think I would have worked on it a bit faster, eaten healthier sooner - but I don't regret being overweight.
It showed me who my friends truly were, and how I should relate to other people. I wouldn't be me if I had been thin and beautiful and gorgeous my entire life. I wouldn't like the things I would have liked, or do the things that I do - if not for the weight. But - it's time for us to part.
Labels: rambling
